Battleship

Jurassic transformers. Battleship is a blockbuster with a huge budget and all the obvious flaws (clichés and idiocy) as well as the necessary pop elements: megalomaniacal action, self-irony, a young hero wooing the daughter of a captain, G.I. Rihanna, a legless black hero and retired sailors saving the world. If it had come out sometime before 2007, it would have been a hit. Today, however, these waters are ruled by Michael Bay, whose visual concept is something else – from action through sunsets to female curves. Peter Berg is visually static and unoriginal. Furthermore, Battleship isn’t helped much by the existence of equally spectacular but intelligent blockbusters like X-Men: First Class. (17.04.2012)

It’s utter bollocks, but quite nice to look at thanks to the cinematography, which, for a blockbuster isn’t much to say. Not even the possibility that Berg put that pathos and Americanism as a parody is an improvement. 5/10 (17.08.2012)

A celebration of the U.S. Navy, a tribute to its veterans, and ego-stroking of the stars and stripes that they are still the best. But it's also a genre in reverse, with Berg also making fun of it. He loads the cannons to the sound of AC/DC and lets the old guys mentor the digital-obsessed youth about how the analog days were a blast. So far, so good. But it's 130 minutes long and all the shenanigans, when it really starts to get fun, only start happening in the second half. Until then, it’s pure misery and the essence of what the film later makes fun of at the end. I wouldn't survive watching it a second time. 3 ½. (06.08.2012)

"Comrades, the imperialist scumbag from outer space is once again stretching his stinking claws around our motherland, this time he wanted to splash around in our trade union resorts in Hawaii. In addition to our overgrown actors, long-legged national artists and beautiful ships, our veterans and cripple comrades will also stand up to him. Deserved artists from AC/DC can be heard whilst we march." I swear I haven't laughed this honestly in a movie theatre in a long time. Although Battleship is a Marine agitation film made up of the dumbest genre-ideological clichés, it is so overdone that it raises some doubts as to whether Berg and his screenwriters poked a bit of fun at the patriotic contract. They didn't, of course. In an American blockbuster, it's possible to make a fun of Jews, Catholics, women, gays, and government officials, but definitely NOT about cripples and metal retirees (so let's face the fact that what we're laughing at in disbelief, ordinary American viewers raised on parades and patriotic interpretation of history take quite seriously). The basic taboo "you won't mow down a cripple with a UFO and you won't hit a veteran with a piece of a cannon" is therefore an honor. They bring the story to a properly vigorous tone and the spectator gets a warm feeling leaving the movie theatre that there is fun and a good bunch at the marina, although a horde of bearded lizards from Green Lantern plunder seaside resorts (plus, an American and a Japanese man are friends near Pearl Harbor, trying to understand Sun-Tzu's “Art of War"). Berg simply took everything I hate in similar films and put it into fairly well-arranged and playful nonsense, which is exactly sarcastic enough to take away his "empire is still alive" message. I rate the contagious peaks of socialist realism similarly, so why ostracize the genre of agitation films in the capitalist one, right? (17.04.2012)

Non-infantile Transformers H2O taken to absurdity. Which, paradoxically, helps the experience, because Berg pokes fun at all the classic tendentious popcorn movies. And don’t try to tell me he’s being serious. My poor soul (sated in the second half with a guilty pleasure) cannot admit this (aside from an aware me: unfortunately very real) possibility to be true. No, no and no! (19.04.2012)

If you want to see a WWII ship drift across the waves of the Pacific... I think you should go for it. It may be pretty to look at, but that's about it. The story is weak, it pushes patriotism quite a bit; it has it all – flags, the sun in the background, military pride, veterans, invalids... Just a great American movie about a military setting. There's some fighting, some friendship, some loss, some explosions. Yeah, and there are aliens, but nobody really knows what they want. I guess, like, to mine the Earth or something? Nobody knows. (10.06.2019)

A dumb, but extremely entertaining movie where old technology is bulldozed by new and the “Art of War" gains a completely new dimension. Berg signed up to film this absolute shitstain of a screenplay with a few millions paperclipped to it, when the only potential lies in the name of this age-old game, these days played only by snobs who have grown bored of playing tic-tac-toe during lessons at school. But who wouldn’t like to play soldiers for the studio’s money. The directing maybe isn’t as opulent as Bay’s, but it’s easier to follow and the overall tempo of the movie isn’t so breakneck. The story: After a superb start, John Carter gets his hair cut and joins the navy due to a beautiful blonde, to become a better person, to serve on a battleship. Then some aliens from the plant G. arrive on Earth. He fights them. The number of casualties is abundant. Kitsch handled his role well, Brooklyn Decker is here just to liven things up a little. Daddy-o Liam Neeson is cool, but makes too darn few appearances. But if you were pleased that Rhianna had died, then... erm. And those poor aliens - these guys were the kindest villains I have ever encountered. Maybe we could have become friends, if the Navy hadn’t started shooting first. But we will probably never know, even though the post-credits scene from Scotland promises a part two. When the old men got in, I nearly laughed out loud. I can’t believe this wasn’t a parody. And Jablonsky and his AC/DC! - And who’s in charge of the ship now? - Hopper. - Hopper? We’re all going to die! (27.04.2012)

It would be good to say upfront that Peter Berg was to a considerable degree inspired by the master of the genre, Michael Bay, at least when it comes to visual aesthetics and style. As some have rightly pointed out, Michael works much better with the sunsets. But let's go in order. The acting is average, sometimes even dumb. Neither the funny scenes nor the moments of returning to life (the marine without legs) work, the funny lines are nothing special, and the only truly engaging dialogues are led by Liam Neeson and Taylor Kitsch in those few minutes (Kitsch, who suddenly appears out of nowhere in two big projects, is quite unremarkable as an actor). Brooklyn Decker looks really nice, but not really in her acting. The script is boring. It’s hard to come up with something, but the simple mythology and visual portrayal of the invaders irritated me and test the audience's intelligence quite assertively. Just like some “over the top” scenes with the USS Missouri that made me want to laugh. At least the constant eye candy action is enjoyable. As soon as something starts happening, it ends with the final credits. A few beautiful scenes of destruction of ships and planes, effective camera raids, and a nearly identical shipwreck staged above Hong Kong as the asteroid fall over New York years ago in Armageddon. Visual effects with a gap of about 15 years? (something to think about). Yes, sunny shots, very clear, technically almost flawless except for a few details. However, it is tremendously stupid. There is not enough romance, not enough catharsis or emotional lines. Bay is a charmer who knows how to mix everything together beautifully, Berg only knows action. (21.04.2012)

Totally unnecessary (and they should all apologize to Cowboys & Aliens). I don't think we've ever been invaded by bigger alien idiots in film history, because I didn't shake my head as much during those as I did during this film, not even during the recent Battle Los Angeles. From my perspective, Battleship is not a film that pokes fun at the style of Michael Bay (and others), it's not even stupid enough to be funny, it's just another silly spectacle that doesn't even deserve ILM's top special effects (for which I give it a star). I had to wait an hour and a half for the only sympathetically over-the-top scene (yes, the veterans boarding and the Missouri setting sail really had something going for it), and the wait wasn't great. So a star and a half.__P.S. The completely unsympathetic actors are dominated by the singer Rihanna, whom I don't know, but she gives me the impression that the casting discovered her somewhere in a tree and persuaded her to participate in the filming with a basket full of bananas.__P.P.S. My previous comment of course does not apply to Liam Neeson. (09.09.2012)

Nothing new, nothing original, only a demolition and popcorn classic in the best sense of the word. Battleship has everything a modern action movie should have, and a little bit extra thanks to the presence of pop queen Rihanna, who looks just as good in a military uniform as she does in a tight outfit. Just turn off your brain and the fun will be taken care of... 70% (01.01.2013)

Okay, the Americans have proved again that they’re the only ones who can protect the safety of everyone else around them. The reason why I watched this is that I’m interested in WW2 technology, and I wanted to see how USS Missouri would be incorporated into a film about an alien attack. My brain is still bleeding. The indestructible destroyers are destroyed and luckily only the expendable Japanese and the main hero’s brother and his crew get hurt, so the hero has reason enough to get pissed off. Throw in a battleship with a crew of veterans, conveniently aided on land by a brave legless veteran, and there won’t be a dry patriotic eye in the house. I would have loved to see the look on the face of a naval engineer seeing an anchor used as a handbrake. Disgusting! I would give this a boo rating, but I got to see the Missouri, so here goes one star. (20.06.2016)

"Transformers" are definitely not a good recommendation for me, based on which I would go see a new movie. Hasbro company introduced the classic game "Battleship" to the market years ago, which we are used to playing on squared paper with a pencil. Hasbro went a step further and created a set of two cases, which makes the gameplay more interactive. With this, I would like to appeal to the reviewers in Cinema. In a review of this film, it was stated that it is an adaptation of a computer game. It is not, of course. It is an adaptation of a classic board game. The game adaptation was released alongside the film as merchandising. As for inspiration in the older computer game "Battleship", it is nothing other than the classic "Battleships" transferred to a computer. I criticize this only because I have read about nine Cinema magazines here that have accumulated in the last few months and I have found that the reviewers in them are a very egotistical bunch who sometimes do not even bother to find out the true facts. But as for the film. It is - it must be said, surprisingly - good. The special effects sequences are great, and there is even a 3D movie variation of a real naval battle, when one just wants to hear someone say "C4". The film is surprisingly funny, it doesn't play on a melodramatic note as much, although we can still find some frantic moments here. The ending is terribly cliché, but it doesn't change the fact that the audience will have fun. I would much rather go see a 3D movie in this case than the latest "Transformers". More: http://www.filmovy-denik.cz/2012/08/lode-stud-zoo-marylin-pulnoc-v-parizi.html (24.02.2013)