Piranha 3D

Even as a fan of horror B-movies and an admirer of Alexandre Aja’s remake of The Hills Have Eyes, I wasn’t all that ecstatic about his Piranha. Aja has real filmmaking talent, which is wasted on Piranha. The movie works with a story that even a less talented director like Eli Roth could have made in comparable quality. Aja’s Piranha is entertaining, all the naked girls are nice and the level of blood and gore reaches the juiciest level of the splatter genre (which you don’t get to see much in cinemas today), but the film as a whole comes across as cheap and irritating. Most of its characters are annoying instead of making you root for them, because they are badly written and sometimes also badly cast. At least the diving excursion into a submerged cave has a pleasant fantasy feel to it. (16.10.2010)

Piranha, boobs, boobs, boobs, piranha, boobs, boobs, piranha, blood, blood, penis, piranha, the end. B-movie AF that doesn’t take itself even a little seriously for most of the time, so anyone familiar with the established stereotypes of animal horror can have good fun or, during the first half, enjoy the beauty of, um, nature. The Czech dubbing only adds to the comedy, making Piranha at times feel like a thirty year-old sincerely naive, silly movie without any ambitions. That’s alright, Aja certainly had a good time shooting this film, but I was more satisfied when he worked, brilliantly, with tension in films like High Tension, The Hill Have Eyes, or even Mirrors. So, even though the beach carnage of the last fifteen minutes show that he has no competition today when it comes to gore, Piranha is still a little disappointing. And the 3D is not even worth mentioning, by the way. 7/10 (11.10.2010)

Well, this was quite a ride, as it should be. Once again, Aja literally shot me down with a barrage of unbelievable brutality and blatant B-ness, which in this case is so entertaining and delicate that my heart literally danced with joy. After the opening scene with Dreyfuss I was expecting some digital monstrosity, but the rest of the film was perfectly satisfying not only from the point of view of a fan of B-movie remakes, but mainly as a representative of the male part of the audience happy to tolerate some nudity. Add to that an unprecedentedly diverse cast of actors, ranging from the scientist Christopher Lloyd and Sheriff Rhames to thousands of scantily clad female students, and porn star Gianna Michaels, whom I admittedly didn't identify, but who could recognise her among all those boobs and beavers? And of course there’s the bloodthirsty prehistoric piranhas that massacre every body part they can reach. When it comes to atmosphere, there not even a trace and the characters aren't exactly the kind that make the viewer bite their nails, but a ton of bizarre insight and hectolitres of blood make up for it, and boredom is the last word you think of when surrounded by barf bags. More films like this, cinemas need it like salt. 70% (06.04.2013)

A fine B-movie that's not so much about piranhas as it is about pretty girls (who end up being eaten by piranhas) and buckets of blood. Aja proves that a director can fulfilling his dreams no matter what genre he's in. Plus, the movie works. The final slaughter is unparalleled. If the fish weren’t so obviously computer-generated, there would be nothing to reproach. I was even sorry I didn't see one of the scenes in 3D. Yes, and Kelly Brook. A true guilty pleasure. (12.11.2010)

The massacre that occurs about half an hour before the end is truly unreal and unique. This great, uncompromising and quite imaginatively bloody scene was, however, the only thing that I really enjoyed in the film. There was a time (before puberty and partly during it) when I used to stare at the TV until two or three in the morning because of exactly this kind of crap... But those days are gone. I give two stars for the MEGA scene and for Lloyd and Dreyfuss. (03.04.2011)