Necrotongue

Let me say outright that I hate musicals, and those I rate highly are exceptions to the rule. My Fair Lady had three things going for it: 1) it was based on G. B. Shaw's play, 2) they used to put more effort into writing the music and lyrics back in 1964, and 3) (the biggest plus) was the presence of Audrey Hepburn. When I realized that one of the songs was the inspiration for the Lumberjack Song from Monty Python's Flying Circus, it was a done deal :-) Seriously, Audrey Hepburn was enchanting (especially in a horse race outfit); the collision of standard English and a Cockney accent was hilarious, as well as the clash of the two different characters. / Lesson learned: Clothes and speech make the man. But only on the outside.

I liked how this story about the life of a well-known Polish gangster was narrated, but it was severely hampered by its exhausting running time. The opening already caused me discomfort with the worst version of Big in Japan I've ever heard. The creators later made up for it with Guano Apes and The Stranglers, so the soundtrack deserves a star. I don't want to be too clever here, but I think Tulia's song "Nieznajomy" would be perfect for the closing credits. The story of a gangster who was not really a gangster (but rather a money changer, fraudster, and thief) was quite intriguing. The creators introduced a large number of characters in the film and, since they didn't want to leave any of them without some basic background, it inflated the running time. There were moments when the number of minutes could have been significantly reduced. But overall, it worked very well. / Lesson learned: There are lines of work in which stubbornness can cause headlessness. 4*-

This is what happens when I don't read the synopsis, and then I'm surprised by what I'm watching. I expected the Poles to make a film about anti-Nazi resistance full of conspiracy, occasionally featuring some killings, and to my surprise, it was a kind of noir crime story full of conspiracy with the occasional murder. True, I would appreciate it if the creators decided to outline the investigation itself more and put more effort into the characters. While the spying count was great, other characters remained shallow and dull. What I mean is that the film definitely had flaws, but despite that, I enjoyed it all the way through its nearly two-hour runtime. / Lesson learned: The best place to hide something is in plain sight.

Honestly, I don't know how to begin. It's no secret that I am a cynical bastard who jokes even about the worst tragedy, which means I'm not crazy about romantic movies, but Hungarians know how to win me over. Testről és lélekről has been in my top ten for quite a while. This movie is perfection. It completely blew me away. I enjoyed watching this film collage on the theme of love, and the Finns from the Balaton have shown that they've still got it. I am not a filmmaker, just an amateur viewer, but I assume it would probably be easier to make a whole new film than to put it together from such a large amount of material so that the entire work makes sense. I have never seen anything like this before, and I think I never will. The Hungarians paid tribute to world cinema and all those actors and actresses and made a film about love that blew my mind. A powerful experience. / Lesson learned: Scissors can barely keep up with certain ideas.

And I was looking forward to Ralph Fiennes so much... If Chef Slowik was supposed to be a demonic psychopath, then my favorite actor made very little effort. His performance did not even come close to his portrayal of Amon Goeth from Schindler's List. Since I know what the actor is capable of, his performance seemed somewhat dull, as if he didn't even want to do it. And similarly, the story itself had a similar effect on me. At first, it seemed interesting, but my interest gradually faded. The film didn't evoke any emotions in me and just passed me by. I'm not saying it was boring; it just didn't make me feel anything; I was completely indifferent to the characters' fates. Plus, I never bought into popular foodie trends. My idea of good food is something that tastes good; I don't need a thirty-page brochure explaining why and in which sector of the plate a piece of cauliflower should be arranged and why the sauce on my plate looks like partially dry brush strokes. Snobbish debates about such plates strongly remind me of similar discussions about visual art, only to find out later that the night guard tripped and accidentally spilled coffee on the wall. / Lesson learned: If someone serves me a stone, they will have their teeth smashed with it.

Capricorn One pleased and amused me, although it occasionally suffered from a lack of logic, and the special effects were not always convincing. I am not a fan of conspiracy theories, but I am not completely deaf to the fact that Neil Armstrong and Edwin Aldrin played in a completely different sandbox, and I have a valid reason for that. It will soon be forty-five years since the Apollo 11 mission, and you still can't go to a McDonald's or KFC on the Moon. And that is so un-American that it makes you skeptical. / Lesson learned: Do you want to walk on the Moon? Start by buying some white sand.

Verne's works were a significant part of my childhood. I read every available book by the author, but Around the World in 80 Days was not among my favorites. I didn't find the movies and series based on this theme convincing. That is, until today. A nearly seventy-year-old film from which I didn't expect much surprised me, and it flew by despite its lengthy running time. After all, the creators fit in all eighty days and then some in under three hours. I would say that I didn't enjoy the introductions to different cultures, but even those found their place with me after Phileas Fogg et al. arrived in San Francisco. I learned some new things, so now I know that excessive punctuality is not required for a gentleman's club. I also realized that whist is not just any card game, and I learned how to convert a steamship into a monitor during a voyage. The legends in cameo roles completely blew me away; they were quite a delight. And, of course, I liked Shirley MacLaine as an Indian princess because this can't be done in movies anymore. / Lesson learned: You can't stop progress, but it doesn't hurt to look back occasionally.

Luc Besson used to write great scripts and turn them into fantastic movies. This was not just an ordinary action thriller but also an exciting drama about a somewhat autistic professional assassin and his prepubescent almost-apprentice. I enjoyed it again, just like I did almost thirty years ago. It was, hands down, Natalie Portman's best role and one of Jean Reno's best roles. Jean Reno was great in the roles of disturbed assassins, just like Gary Oldman was with his psychopaths. Maybe they suited them too much because they both got typecast in them. True, the story wasn't exactly a brain exercise, but without torture, I admit that I didn't care at all because I really enjoyed the central, strongly mismatched duo. There was definitely a certain nostalgia involved. / Lesson learned: Take extra care of your best friend.

This seems to be an authentic Czech controversial film because the ratings of the users I follow cover almost the entire scale. A one-star rating was missing, but I quickly fixed that, and now it's complete. The humor was there, but the creators pushed it too much, to the point of wearing it thin. However, there were still moments here and there that made me laugh, so the film wasn't a complete flop, even though the screenwriter tried. Jakub Kohák has become a symbol of low quality for me; however, Ondřej Sokol balanced the situation. I didn't like him until recently, but I have become quite fond of his cheeky face. / "Those who won't bring anything tomorrow won't see the Big Bang." / Lesson learned: If you want to see mind triumph over matter, you will like this film.

I had some concerns about the new Bosch because the creators significantly changed the original series' storyline. To my surprise, they managed to eliminate most of the obstacles they had previously created and put together a story in which I quickly recognized both of Connelly's books on which it was based. I'm not saying it was flawless (far from it), but it exceeded my expectations, and I'm looking forward to the next season. / Lesson learned: When characters who were supposed to be dead long ago are still alive, it's time to improvise.