Necrotongue

Man, what a letdown. This movie had the potential to be a stellar horror flick with its gripping concept and intriguing intro, but as the plot unraveled, my excitement slowly fizzled out. They had Emily Blunt in the cast, which was promising, but then they surrounded her with a bunch of unlikable characters, creating this sort of annoying Addams Family vibe. I found myself not really rooting for anyone, especially since everyone seemed to be making irrational decisions left and right. Let's talk about the logic — or lack thereof. What idiot would hammer a nail from underneath a wooden step? And that's just the tip of the iceberg; the movie seemed to take a vacation from logical thinking or the laws of physics (cue the deaf sister rescue scene — seriously, try that in real life). It was a lot of "Wait, what?" moments, and the film felt just as disjointed. There were some things that made sense, like the idea that there's no need to fear in a place with constant natural noise. Logical, right? So why does the entire family live in the quietest spot in the whole area? The film was packed with these head-scratching inconsistencies. One star goes to the concept, and another for the mother character who at least kept me somewhat invested. / Lesson learned: If a creature has eighty canines in its dental record, it's probably not a herbivore.

If a film that's over fifty years old can still captivate me with its message today, you know the creators did something right. The main takeaway from the film was loud and clear: war is absolute filth. And I couldn't agree more. But what struck me even more was the secondary message that emerged from the religious discussions. When I say I agree with it wholeheartedly, it barely scratches the surface of my feelings. Let me be blunt — I've always viewed religion as the epitome of filth, and the Thirty Years' War perfectly illustrates why. Imagine this: two opposing sides, supposedly both believing in the same god, plunging Europe into three decades of chaos — killing, raping, looting, and destroying. If this was all happening in the name of a god, well, that god would have to be a real jerk. And let's not forget about the devil. I have no doubts about his existence; we all carry our own devils within us, ready to wreak havoc or at least make life miserable for others when the opportunity arises. The scary part? It's not some supernatural being — it's us. No excuses, except for the religious ones. Then you blame it all on Satan's impure deeds, burn your neighbor for having a wart on her nose and a black cat on her couch, and suddenly, the colors of your world are clear and radiant again. That's the essence of this film, or at least how I interpret it. And what's unnerving is that despite its age, the film still feels uncomfortably relevant today. / Lesson learned: If you see a priest, toss a stone before you find yourself burning at the stake. 4*+

The first installment was quite a passable black comedy slasher movie. However, in the sequel, the creators seemed to have forgotten the concept of "less is more" in terms of profanity. If I were to express my true feelings about this movie, I'd have to stoop to the level of language used in it, and frankly, I'd rather not. So, let's sum it up. The script was weak, the effects in some scenes were laughably bad (like Bambi's death), and the characters were mostly unlikable. To top it all off, the film was definitively ruined by an incredibly stupid ending that left me scratching my head. It's a shame I don't believe in Satan because I'd gladly send the writer straight to hell's boiler.

Well, that was one unsettling movie. I'm not naive about how a civilized society operates, but when it's presented to me so starkly, it still manages to shake me. The filmmakers here tackled a theme that is, unfortunately, all too relevant. From its unquestionable position of authority, the theme feels even more chilling and dangerous. The Koreans really got under my skin with their portrayal, evoking a lot of uncomfortable feelings. It's clear they went about it the right way. / Lesson learned: If you have an appetite for very young prey, either seek help or get yourself castrated.

I never expected an overly enthusiastic writer to come up with the idea of a flying tank performing an Immelmann turn in a battle with a Bf 109, but here we are. There was plenty of nonsense, most of which has already been discussed and dissected by others before me. So, I'll just touch on a few points. Despite the Luftwaffe being the air force of the evil Nazis, it did bring many innovations to aerial warfare. One of these was the concept of German fighters flying in formations of four. Other countries adopted this system later in the war, recognizing its flexibility and effectiveness. The film's attempt to convince me that every Soviet aircraft was equipped with a radio transmitter was quite amusing. In reality, this technological feature was only available to the leader of a larger formation for a significant period after the war began. Setting aside these details, which most viewers probably overlooked, the movie was fairly decent until the disappointing ending. That final scene, filled with tearful salutes, felt completely out of place for me. Cheers to the real heroes who not only fought against the Germans but also against the inflexibility of their commanders. / Lesson learned: When you can't walk, crawl.

Every once in a while, screenwriters manage to craft a character that I despise from the very start. Just recently, I was introduced to the film version of Scarlett O'Hara, which somewhat hinted that perhaps physical punishment in childhood isn't entirely obsolete. However, Angel Deverell turned this faint notion into a certainty. What a dreadful... creature. The film itself was more of an intimate affair, with the main protagonist being grating and a pain in the ass. The story straddled the line between romance and drama, revolving around a writer who could easily be compared to the likes of Danielle Steel or Rosamunde Pilcher. Logically, there shouldn't have been much to appeal to me in this mix. Yet, to my surprise, I found myself entertained. As the end credits rolled, I realized I hadn't been bored the entire time. The creators must have done something right. / Lesson learned: Want to enjoy champagne? Leave the bottle opener in the drawer. 3*+

Today I delved into reruns, so I revisited this almost ten-year-old matter as well. I had to subtract one star from the original four because the movie seemed somewhat uneven on the second try. Its first half seemed better and more entertaining to me, while I was occasionally bored during the second half. In the end, it turned out to be a peculiar madness that gradually lost its charm over time, and I can't shake the feeling that the creators harmed themselves in this case by overburning the running time. With some scene cuts and related shortening of the duration, that fourth star probably would have remained. However, I must underscore the character of Jana Plodková, the production manager; she managed to entertain me every single time. / Lesson: Beware of Havlát!

I first watched this film years ago, and while it didn't disappoint, it also didn't leave a lasting impression, hence my initial three-star rating. However, after today's rewatch, I found myself adding an extra star. Admittedly, I didn't find anything particularly exceptional in this movie. Yet, as I watched, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was witnessing a slice of real life. Sure, in reality, I don't often encounter people who own a piece of Hawaii, but once I set aside this minor detail, what remained was a tale of ordinary people presented in a way that felt quite believable. Throughout the almost two-hour duration, I found myself engaged. George Clooney as Matt King certainly played his part, but it was Shailene Woodley's portrayal of his daughter, Alexandra, that truly impressed me. / Lesson learned: Hawaii isn't always a paradise.

The length of this film was truly extravagant, yet the creators managed to deftly trim the source material so it wouldn't spiral into an eight-hour marathon. Having read the book version, I must say they succeeded in capturing the author's primary intention. I found myself enthralled by Vivian Leigh's brilliant portrayal of that initially spoiled, self-centered brat who gradually evolved into a self-centered, pragmatic Machiavellian. It was obvious that it's an old film, but I wouldn't have guessed it was eighty-three years old. It worked for me. / Lesson learned: If I were a Southern civilian, I would not have waited around for Sherman's arrival.

Kelly's Heroes finds its place among those American films where war is portrayed as an adventure filled with humorous moments. Surprisingly, this didn't bother me much. The creators put in a commendable effort, delivering almost perfect period technique, weapons, and equipment, which truly impressed me. The story was a bit far-fetched, but that was to be expected, so I remained unfazed. Truth be told, this adventure entertained me quite nicely. While I was initially eager for Dirty Harry, Donald Sutherland stole the show with his portrayal of Oddball, which was absolutely perfect. By the way, I couldn't help but chuckle at members of the Wehrmacht fighting under the flags of the Kriegsmarine. It seems the official flag of the Third Reich wasn't distinctive enough for the Americans :-) / Lesson learned: Nothing should stand in the way of your treasure hunt.